Question

Read the body paragraph from a personal statement. (1) Since I live in the Midwest, my fascination with the ocean might seem unusual. (2) I have my aunt to thank for sparking my interest in marine biology. (3) My family’s annual visits to her home are always great. (4) We visit the local beaches to study shells, seaweed, and ocean dwellers like crabs, clams, and jellyfish. Which is the best sentence to revise to replace vague language?

A.sentence 1
B.sentence 2
C.sentence 3
D.sentence 4


anwser is C.setence3

Answer 1

the answer is sentence 3.

Answer 2

C.sentence 3 My family's annual visits to her home are always great.

This sentence is too vague. After reading the sentence, I think so what? So what if the visit's to your aunt's house are great? How does that have anything to do with your fascination of the ocean or your interest in marine biology. What about her home has anything to do with the topic of this personal statement? In order to fix this vague language, it's important to explain where her house is and what you mean by great.