asked 187k views
15 votes
Please proof read

Fawn was a member of a peaceful tribe who cared for the forest and all of the unique creatures that dwelled there. the tribe was hidden away from the dystopian outside world, until they day it found them. On the night before her seventh birthday the kings' soliders arrived bringing destruction with them. they first ripped plants from the soil, and then captured many terrified animals. Ravaging flames then consumed the forest entirely. The forest was decimated in the fire along with everyone Fawn cared for. Her tears reflected the pouring rain that slowly put out the fire. By time she was seven Fawn was alone. All she had left was the insignia etched pendant her parents gave her before pushing her through a portal that just outside the forest. She cleared the tears from her face, looked at the pendant and vowed to never let harm come to anyone or anything while she was around.

asked
User Symphony
by
8.3k points

2 Answers

13 votes

Answer:

after dwelled there, capitalize the T in the. after seventh b day, put a comma. a comma after arrived. Capitalize T in they. All she had left was the insignia etched pendant her parents gave her before pushing her through a portal that LAY just outside the forest.

Step-by-step explanation:

Nice story, really like it. Very detailed.

answered
User Weiwei
by
7.9k points
11 votes

Answer: Don't say portal

Explanation: When I read the word portal it made it sound like a story for a kindergartener instead put "they pushed her out of the flames reach" or something similar to that. Maybe a bit more detail about Fawn and how she lived and why the King came to the forest. Other than that it is a great story.

answered
User Buster
by
7.8k points
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