Question

Rewrite the sentences below to make them more concise.

I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the dislike of the administrator, Dr. Lomas, towards long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.

Answer 1

Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.

Answer 2

Explanation:

I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the dislike of the administrator. Dr. Lomas has drafted for her signature or approval towards long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items. She also did it as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies.

This is the direct tone that is more concise than the long sentence from your answer. There are three shorter sentences that are considering independent clause.