Final answer:
To make the sentence concise, remove repetitive phrases and unnecessary adverbs, retaining the essential meaning: 'The balloon soared into the cold air, and we were alarmed by its speed, but everything turned out well.' Focus on using concrete nouns and active verbs for clarity.
Step-by-step explanation:
To eliminate wordiness and redundancy in writing, we must look for and remove unnecessary words that do not contribute to the overall meaning. The sentence provided by the student, "The balloon quickly rocketed up into the really cold air. We were scared and frightened because it was moving really fast. However, it was all good in the end." is a prime example of sentences that can be streamlined.
A more concise version could be: "The balloon soared into the cold air, and we were alarmed by its speed, but everything turned out well." This revision removes repetitive phrases and adverbs like 'quickly' and 'really' that do not add substantial meaning while maintaining the original message.
When editing, aim to use concrete nouns and active verbs, and choose modifiers judiciously to ensure each word serves a clear purpose. This approach not only clarifies the language but also makes the writing more engaging for the reader.