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Can someone check my writing and how can I improve it more?

Can someone check my writing and how can I improve it more?-example-1

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You look like you’re on the the right track here. I would elaborate a little more on what the quotes mean and why you’re pointing them out to the reader. You can try using bridges like “this shows, this enhances” to help the reader understand why it’s important to them and to the story
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User Cwj
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